


lose yourself in time

by scribbleddreaming



Category: Tanz der Vampire - Steinman/Kunze
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 22:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1444438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribbleddreaming/pseuds/scribbleddreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a lonely night at the castle and two vampires just trying to find some semblance of comfort with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lose yourself in time

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few months ago and posted it on tumblr. decided to post it here, too. as always, i'm too lazy to actually edit it because i'm trash. enjoy.

When you’re a vampire, time loses its meaning after a while. At first, you still notice the weeks and months go by, how snow starts to melt, the nights get shorter and milder, until the leaves start crunching under your boots again. Alfred always kept a watch with him so he could check the time, always kept a calendar around where he crossed out the days to keep track. He was incredibly afraid that he would end up like those poor lost souls in their graves, whiling eternity away, more rotting corpses than alive. He was scared that losing his sense of time and place would eventually lead to losing himself, or, at least, more than he already had.

Adjusting to vampirism was something Alfred still struggled with. Sometimes, he’d still nick his lower lip with his fangs or he’d go long periods without feeding (not telling anyone he didn’t just forget, maybe he purposely didn’t go out and hunt because the screams of the victims keep ringing in his ears long after they’ve died down) until someone (usually Herbert) finally threw a helpless victim at his feet and he couldn’t resist.

He hated himself for his lack of restraint. Alfred just figured that he must not have been made for being a vampire; too soft, too weak, too emotional. He was not strong enough to kill mercilessly, nor was he strong enough to resist the desire for blood. He succumbed, eventually, as he always did with everything. He wished he could have the calculation of the Count or the joy that Herbert has. Just something that would make it easier for him to be a vampire. The only thing he could hold onto is what the Professor taught him; logic, reason and precision.

So, yeah, he sometimes forgot to cross out a few days or left his pocket watch lying around somewhere in the huge castle and just found it a while later. But Alfred did his best to hold on to the last vestiges of human behavior he had left; it’s all he had.

"What are you doing, dear?“ he heard Herbert’s soft voice ask.

Alfred fought against letting out a heavy sigh. The viscount would not leave him alone lately. Of course, Herbert’s been visibly enamored with him from the first time they met, but after their little, well, altercation in the bathroom, Herbert had been a bit colder and distant which Alfred had been grateful for. Dealing with being a vampire and watching the love of his life, Sarah, leave him to explore the world had been hard enough, he didn’t really feel like dealing with a lovelorn vampire, a male one at that.

But in these last few weeks (or months? Alfred had to check), Herbert had been bugging him incessantly. Following him, staring at him, trying to join Alfred in his coffin, talking to him about nothing and Alfred could feel his patience wane. He wanted to be nice, especially considering he was allowed to stay at the castle after trying to kill them (and Alfred knew this was all thanks to Herbert who probably argued with his father until the Count didn’t want to throw Alfred out into the sun anymore), but Herbert would not leave him in peace.

"Nothing, Herbert, as usual,“ was Alfred’s only response.

"You know, I’ve been thinking, we are too cooped up in this gloomy castle,“ Herbert sat down on the armchair next to Alfred, running his pale hands over the dark velvet of the armrest. "Maybe we should go explore different villages close to here at night, see what else Transylvania has to offer.“

Herbert smiled brightly at Alfred, cocking his eyebrows.

"I don’t feel like going out, but thank you,“ Alfred answered quietly before turning his gaze out through the window into the dark, moonless night. Alfred missed the sun.

The viscount huffed in discontent. "Now, I know how much you love to sit around and brood all night, as you have apparently discovered the same passion for it that my father has,“ Herbert said disdainfully, "but Alfred, sitting around and sulking about how horrible being a vampire is isn’t exactly going to make it better.“

"And killing people is?“ Alfred asked harshly. He looked at Herbert who stared back and remained silent for a while, as if he was actually contemplating what Alfred just said.

"Accepting that being a vampire doesn’t immediately mean being a monster might.“

Uncharacteristically, Alfred chuckled darkly. "Yes, killing people and taking delight in it is absolutely fine and normal.“

Herbert sighed as if Alfred was a little child. "Do you fault an animal for killing another animal to survive? No, it’s in that animal’s nature. You don’t curse the wolf a monster for killing the rabbit. You admit that it’s just doing what it needs to do. Why can’t a vampire be the same?“

Alfred stayed silent, not daring to argue against this… fairly reasonable logic. But everything he still considered human in himself shut any legitimacy out. He couldn’t believe what Herbert just told him; what would that make Alfred? Just like Herbert, who enjoyed killing and didn’t feel any mercy or remorse. No, Alfred would not allow himself to be corrupted by Herbert that way.

"Look, Alfred, I’m only trying to help you. Locking yourself away won’t do you any good,“ Herbert stood up and crossed the short distance to Alfred. He stood behind the sitting Alfred now, leaned down and put his arms around Alfred’s neck, his face up close to the other’s. Alfred could feel Herbert’s cheek against his and while it would have been freezing cold to him when he was a human, now, it felt just like his own skin.

The boy felt like he should struggle against Herbert, but couldn’t find the strength in himself to do it. He enjoyed it, despite himself; he knew it wasn’t love or attraction that kept him stuck in his place, but just the comfort of having someone close to him. Alfred had forgotten how lonely he really had been lately, or, almost all of his life. It felt nice, having someone so close, skin on skin. He could almost imagine warmth emanating from Herbert if he tried hard enough.

"We don’t have to kill, we can just go and have a walk, get you into fresh air and have you see new things,“ Herbert’s hands softly ghosted over Alfred’s chest, barely touching him, aware of how fragile the little bond they were sharing in this singular moment was and not intent on ruining it by being too forward. Herbert knew that if he wanted to get close to Alfred, even just as a friend, he would have to be gentle and slow, prodding slightly but not pushing, which is something he was not used to and not exactly good at. But he hadn’t been lying when he said that he had been bored and lonely; he really was seeking a companion and Herbert couldn’t imagine anyone better than Alfred. Maybe it would remain at a friendship level, maybe it would evolve to more, but in this moment, he just wanted to be close to the young vampire.

Alfred remained silent for a long while, just letting himself go in that moment of weakness, craving that bit of comfort Herbert was offering him. It made him feel a bit more human, to crave the touch of another; what was more human than that, after all? Herbert didn’t go any further than he already had, barely touching his chest, cheek to cheek, but only slightly. Alfred felt his resolve melting. What was the harm? He hadn’t been out of the castle for a long while (he didn’t know how long) and maybe it would be good to just spend the night outside for a bit.


End file.
